‘How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety’ Is a Clever Satire Cat Lovers Will Enjoy

courtesy of Three Rivers Press

“How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety and Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers that Threaten Their Nine Lives” by The American Association of Patriots is a satire sure to elicit guffaws and chuckles from readers on each and every very clever page.

From the first chapter on Gun Safety and the response to the question: What is the best age to start talking to my cat about gun safety?

“The easy answer is that no age is too young to start introducing your cat to the benefits and responsibilities of gun ownership, but realistically, you should wait until at least a week after birth, when cats begin to open their eyes. At no point in your cat’s life will it be more playful and precocious than when they’re a kitten. The obituaries are filled with families who thought that their kitten was too young to play with guns, that they could wait until the cat was just a little bit older to instruct them on proper firearm usage and safety.”

The chapter “How to Talk to Your Cat About Abstinence” features a tabby cat with a collar and tag that states, “I am worth waiting fur.” Other important chapters cover drugs, online safety, puberty, postapocalyptic survival, and satanism.

Included in this important informational book are warning signs of homewsexuality including “Shaving: While there is nothing wrong with a cat being naturally slight of build, if one day your tiny kitten shows up shaved, this should trigger major alarm bells. Your little kitty might have become what is known as a twink — a small effeminate male cat who will often be in a submissive relationship to a big burly Maine coon.”

Buy this book for any cat lover on your shopping list.

Please note: This review is based on the final, paperback book provided by the publisher, Three Rivers Press, for review purposes.


Pamela Kramer

​Animal lover and rescuer. Lives with 4 cats, 4 dogs, 1 bird, 2 frogs and usually one foster animal (and very understanding husband). Reviews books (especially about animals) and educates children about compassion toward animals. Former household animals include rabbits, rats, and other assorted creatures. Also writes at pamelakramer.com